Alright, so on the Wheel of Time RP site this was one of the things that each character has to have written at some point known as an MRP or Major Role Play. I'm pretty proud of this one because it got recognized in the monthly recognitions as an excellent bit of writing. So here we go, enjoy it!
MRP I: A Plan Forms
Novice Calia Selle
The quill scratched softly across the parchment in the stillness of night in the White Tower, leaving a line of flowing script in its wake. A novice with waves of flowing black hair sat bent over a piece of parchment, choosing her words carefully as she wrote by the pale light of a weaving of saidar that was quite against the rules. That orb, the Power that had created it, was precisely her reason for writing in the small hours of the night as her roommate slept soundly. That she had so complacently used the Power to aid her tonight; that was why she now wrote out her plan in carefully cryptic language. She was growing used to this life. Like a marath'damane she yearned to hold saidar for the simple joy of life it provided; it was like a drug, this Power, and she didn’t know how – or if – she could give it up. These things she felt – longing, envy, joy – they scared her like nothing else ever had. She wasn't simply bending to the will of the White Tower; she was breaking against its might. What scared her was that she felt as if she didn't care, as if breaking might not be as bad as she had once thought. That was why it was time to escape. She had to do it now, or she would lose her nerve and fall into the trap she had sworn to herself she would never fall into. She would turn traitor like at least two before her if she didn't go soon, and she refused to turn her back on her people.
After ten years, the woman had finally found someone willing to carry a letter to Ebou Dar for her despite the danger. The only catch was they left at dawn, she had to have her letter finished tonight or it would never be delivered and the novice would lose her one and only chance. The night she would enact her plan was less than half a week away and for this letter to arrive before her it had to go out with this messenger. It was all laid out in her mind. Wintersnight would be upon the White Tower when she fled, the Aes Sedai would be too busy with their party, or too drunk with the other revelers, to notice two women slipping silently away into the night. The guards would be lax because of the sheer numbers of guests coming and going throughout the night. Yes, she had this planned to the very last detail and it all was slipped casually and unobtrusively into the letter she wrote. Everything would be ready but one thing; how to procure an a'dam and slip it around her damane's slender neck before she departed. That had yet to be determined.
The raven haired woman's quill continued to scratch the words out in a trail of glistening black when her roommate stirred. Lifting the tip of the quill so as not to blotch her letter, she turned her head, blue eyed gaze on the young girl as she lifted her head from the pillow and frowned. "What are you doing?" The copper-skinned Domani mumbled, sleep still weighing heavily on her eyelids, "You're breaking the rules." She added the last rather half-heartedly. After all, didn't every novice break the rules once in a while?
"Shh." The older novice answered as the corners of her mouth turned upward in a soft, yet forced, smile which she directed toward her hated roommate, "Go back to sleep, Kitara. I just have to finish this essay and I'll be going to bed too." The lie dropped easily from her lips, having been practiced over and over in her mind until she knew it would come out smoothly were Kitara to wake as she just had. If the other girl had been more alert, she might have realized how preposterous the words her roommate had just uttered were. That this novice would be sacrificing her cherished sleep to write an essay was absurd considering how little she cared about being a novice. It was simply luck that Kitara was not more alert or the plan might have collapsed then and there.
"M'kay," the Domani girl murmured, "g'night." She was asleep before her head hit the pillow and likely would remember none of this in the morning. Letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as a soft sigh, the raven haired novice bent over her letter again and allowed her eyes to scan the last few lines critically before setting quill to parchment. This cryptic form of writing was more difficult than it seemed when she had first learned of it during some lesson or other, and the words cam slowly as she sorted out how to say what she meant without actually saying what she meant. Light, but if this was what Aes Sedai working with the Eyes and Ears did every day, she didn't want anything to do with it! Abruptly, she stopped again and shook her head to banish that last thought. She was never going to be Aes Sedai; she didn't want to be, so it made no difference. She was running away from her captivity, returning to her people, and that type of thought was precisely the reason why. She wouldn't be a prisoner in all but name forever. Sure, they said she could leave when she was made Aes Sedai, but that was never going to happen; she wouldn't allow it.
Late into the night, the black ink continued to flow across the page even as the novice's hand cramped and made writing difficult. She was a woman working toward a goal, a dream that was soon to be realized, and she was determined to make this work. She would go back, she would become damane if that was what was demanded of her, so long as she could serve the Empress, may she live forever. Did this channeling, this freedom from the a'dam she knew would hold her, have its perks? Certainly it did, but they did not outweigh the consequences. She was a loyal servant of the Empire, not a traitor, never a traitor. So she went on until she was fully satisfied with what had been written in the glistening black ink. Reading through it, she smiled and put quill to paper once more to sign:
Under the Light, Your faithful servant, Calia Selle.
MRP I: Ignorance is Bliss
Novice Jocelyn Selle
Hands meekly folded in front of oneself, head bent, eyes cast down to stare at a single spot on the floor; that was the proper posture for a damane to take at all times and it was the well practiced posture Jocelyn Selle fell into as a shield of slid firmly between herself and the True Source, forcing the Power from her grasp. The Accepted who stood before her was pudgy from years of laziness in the White, her face quickly reddening with her anger. Of course, Jocelyn's green-eyed gaze was still on that nonexistent spot on the floor in front of her so she couldn't see the Accepted's face, but she could imagine what it looked like. Slowly, one by one, she felt more than saw the soft halos of saidar wink out from around the other novices as silence fell over the class. Instinct caused Jocelyn to tense for the pain that would have come were she still a damane, but it never did. Slowly, she relaxed as the Accepted seemed to be trying to work out what to say in the silence. She had been raised to the banded hems about eight years ago if Jocelyn remembered correctly, but she was still no closer to the shawl. It made her less tolerant than some of the others who regularly taught novices, so Jocelyn supposed she should have known better than to even toe the line during this class, but she had done it anyway.
"What did you think you were doing, Novice Jocelyn?" The Accepted's shrill voice broke the silence as she flipped mousy brown hair over her shoulder. Again, it was an action the novice just barely saw through her lashes as the focus of her gaze was on the floor about a pace in front of her feet. She remained silent as the rustling sounds of the other novices shifting uncomfortably filled the otherwise soundless room. "Well? I asked you a question, Novice Jocelyn, and when an Accepted asks you a question they expect you to respond quickly."
The Seanchan novice looked up, expression calm yet meek. "Your pardon, Accepted Larai," she began in her drawling accent, "but I'm not sure I understand your question. I was simply creating the weave you instructed us to like everyone else. If you could tell me what I did wrong, perhaps that would be helpful?" Was she fanning the flames a little? She certainly was, but it wasn't as if the Accepted didn't deserve it. After all, what right did a woman who was not only younger but had been channeling at least two years less than she had have to tell her that she was doing it wrong? Light knew that Jocelyn should have had a ring on her finger long ago, but for some reason her time never came. She'd been waiting so long now for the summons, she knew she was ready for them, but it seemed Madeline Sedai still doubted. Of course, her recent string of incompliant behavior with a few of the Accepted probably didn't help her case either.
"You most certainly were not weaving what I told you, child." Accepted Larai said sharply. "That looked nothing like the weave for a fireball. Are you going to tell me I don't recognize simple weaves when I see them?" The Accepted stared at Jocelyn, eyes daring the novice to say just that. Yet, the novice knew better than that. She hadn't worn white for ten years only to learn nothing of being a novice and she knew nothing she had done so far could earn her punishment beyond an angered Accepted. Saying what the Accepted was goading her into would earn a penance though, and Jocelyn didn't fancy the idea of scrubbing pots.
"No Accepted. I was weaving what you told me, but the White Tower must teach it differently than what I learned. From what I can tell, my way is actually easier, but I'm sorry if it bothered you." Casually, she flipped her braid of plain, brown hair over her shoulder and made the slightest curtsey to the Accepted. It was no wonder she was going no where if she couldn't recognize a variation that would result in the same weave in the end. Light, but Jocelyn hated this! She knew twice as much about weaves and proper weaving as some of these Accepted, but they were teaching her. What had she done to deserve this? She could perform much more difficult weaves, she knew it, but here she was in a lesson on basic fire weaving with a group of novices who were barely more than children. This was as advanced as novice lessons got; there wasn't a higher level anymore. Sure, there were Accepted lessons, but she wasn't an Accepted yet.
The Accepted was fuming. Jocelyn would have sworn that, had it not been a physical impossibility, there was steam from Accepted Larai's ears as her glared shot daggers through the Seanchan woman. "You would do well to forget those Wilder weaves and learn them properly or you'll never be an Accepted, Novice Jocelyn. We teach weaves the way we do for a reason, and we expect them to be woven properly not thrown together like a woman without a day of training to her name. Am I clear?" Jocelyn raised an eyebrow, but nodded nonetheless. She knew when she had pushed too far, and she just had. It was time to stop toeing the line for today.
Then, there was a knock at the classroom door, breaking the tension like a piece of Sea Folk porcelain carelessly dropped on the floor. Every head in the room turned to stare at the door, except for two; Jocelyn and Accepted Larai's eyes remained locked on each other. "Come," Larai called, eyes never leaving Jocelyn's, even as the door opened and another Accepted stuck her head in.
"Sorry to interrupt," a soft voice floated across the room, one which Jocelyn instantly recognized, "but I have need of Novice Jocelyn right now."
Accepted Larai's frown deepened, if that was possible, as her green eyes flicked away from Jocelyn's to rest on the intruder. "She's busy at the moment, Kagita. You might not have noticed, but I'm trying to teach a lesson."
"Ah, is that what you call this, Larai?" Accepted Kagita responded lightly. "Well, I'm sorry, but this is urgent so I'll have to take her anyway."
Larai looked as if she could chew nails. "Fine," she spat at the other Accepted, "take her. She's only causing trouble here anyway." Jocelyn held back a smile as she dipped a curtsey and hurried toward the door.
"Thank you, Larai." Kagita said graciously as she herded the novice out and shut the door behind her. For a moment, Jocelyn's long time friend, Kagita Aren din Tealyn, was silent as she looked Jocelyn up and down concernedly. When she did speak, it came as a shock to the Seanchan novice. "What," she began, "under the blessed Light is wrong with your sister?"
MRP II: Part One – Observation
Novice Calia Selle
Time was up. Tonight was the night when Calia's plans for an escape ten years in the making would be realized, yet there was still one key element missing: the a'dam she needed to slip around Jocelyn's neck. Just that thought made the novice cringe as scrubbed the dark wood of a table in the main pavilion for the festivities. Jocelyn, she used the girl's bloody name even in her own thoughts! She had stripped the damane, her own twin sister, of that name over fifteen years ago! For that matter, she had renounced her as a blood relation as well. A damane was little more than a beast and much less than human. So, Calia scowled at the nothing and everything, even as the rest of the novices scurried about with smiles on their faces and cheerful greetings on their lips as they were busied with the preparations for the celebrations. Little did they know that every one of them was aiding in her escape by simply being so enthusiastic about the festival. That brought a smile, though ever so slight, to the former sul'dam's lips. What would these Aes Sedai do when they realized what perfect cover for escape these festivals offered? She was escaping, perhaps in a manner never attempted before. Yes, that was something worth smiling about.
Everything was in order for tonight, at least as much as it could be. In a corner of the room she shared with Kitara were hidden two dresses and two dark cloaks, all stolen from the wash during Calia's shift a few days prior, ready to be worn tonight. Calia had no fears about finding a pair of decent horses that could be 'borrowed' for an indefinite period of time. It was a festival night; there would be plenty of animals in the Tower stables that were fit for riding all the way back to her people. How to get her hands on the only a'dam she was sure remained in the White Tower, now there was a good question. It was still in Madeline Sedai's office as far as Calia knew, and that was where it would have to be taken from if she wanted this plan to go off tonight. How was she going to do it? Not even she knew, but desperate people could always be trusted to come up with even more desperate plans. Calia was desperate, she would think of something.
A faint smile still on her lips, Calia returned the rag when she had finished washing tables and dipped the obligatory curtsey to the Accepted in charge of this whole operation. The girl looked at her askew for a moment before nodding and sending her off. The novice had been on her best behavior recently so as not to disrupt any of her planning by getting into trouble at the last moment. That would never do, especially not now. Today was too important for her to mess up. So, instead of skipping out on her next chore, like she would have for every festival held at the White Tower for the past ten years, Calia reported obediently to the gardens. It had been a long winter, and the paths needed raking. That was what Calia was assigned to help with for the rest of the afternoon. For ten years, she had watched all this preparation happen at least once a year if not more, and it ran like clockwork. They would be done with it all as the sun was setting. A few hours after that, the time would be upon them for escaping.
So it was that Calia spent her day at the work of preparations, not only for the festival, but for her escape as well. She spent the day watching as people came and went, waiting for her plan to come to fruition. All sorts of feelings swirled together inside her; excitement, happiness, nervousness, and even deeply suppressed reluctance and doubt. Why did this feeling of resistance keep tugging at her consciousness? Something was trying to hold her back in captivity when all she wanted was to be set free. Could it be that after ten years, she had developed some strange sense of attachment to this place? What in the name of all that was good had gotten into her? She was a sul'dam; a woman who never questioned herself or her convictions, and that was the end of that.
She was on her way back to the room she shared with Kitara when she encountered the first roadblock to her plan, the first unplanned for possibility. Shal Ampar Sedai of the Green Ajah was waiting outside the novices' room, blocking Calia from gaining access to it and, more importantly, what was beyond. Had it not been for the fact the Aes Sedai was staring right at her, Calia might have turned and walked the other way, or at least let out a string of curses that would make even a soldier blush. She was expecting the woman to drop the lesson for this half week, seeing as it was Wintersnight after all. Shal Sedai apparently had very different ideas. "Good to see that you're still with us, Novice Calia." The woman said wryly as Calia drew near and dropped curtsey, mentally cursing herself until she ran out of suitable bits of foul language. Yet, somehow she put on a smile for the marath'damane who stood between her and the realization of a dream.
"Of course I am, Shal Sedai. It's just that, seeing as it's Wintersnight and all other lessons have been suspended I just thought ours was too." Shal shook her head good naturedly as she motioned for Calia to walk with her. For the briefest moment, a scowl crossed the Seanchan novice's face before she joined the Aes Sedai and the scowl was replaced again by the smile that had no warmth behind it.
"Terrian made it very clear that if I was going to take on teaching you while she was gone that these lessons would happen twice weekly." She said as they walked side by side, for all the world like old friends rather than a marath'damane and the Seanchan woman who hated everything Shal Ampar stood for. "She really isn't that much older than you, is she?" The Aes Sedai marveled as she studied Calia as if seeing the girl in a new light. If smiling a little threw the marath'damane off so much, Calia was surprised she hadn't thought of it earlier.
"Who isn't that much older, Shal Sedai?" Calia asked with forced politeness, not completely following the Aes Sedai's thoughts.
"Terrian Sedai, child. I know, it isn't a topic we discuss much, but you were so old coming in as a novice…" Shal trailed off, suddenly seeming to realize that this was perhaps not an appropriate topic to be taking up with a novice.
Calia's blue eyes went wide. She had never even thought about it before, but could it be that Terrian really had only a few years more than she had in age? "I… I had never really thought on it Aes Sedai." She had to change the topic, or she would never make it back tonight. Somehow she had to get out of this lesson. "Shal Sedai, if I might be so bold as to ask, why have this lesson now? Wouldn't you rather be enjoying the festivities as well?"
"Oh!" Shal exclaimed, then smiled at the novice, "That was what I came to talk to you about, Calia. I'm moving your lesson until after Bel Tine, I trusted you wouldn't object and I wouldn't have bothered to seek you out had it not been for the concerns of a few Accepted. I see they were unfounded now." The last words trailed off as the Aes Sedai seemed to draw into her own thoughts.
Calia smiled. The Aes Sedai's mind seemed to be elsewhere. "By your leave, Shal Sedai, I should like to go prepare for the festivities." Shal nodded and waved her away with a smile. Bobbing a quick curtsey, Calia hurried back toward her room only to be met by her second obstacle of the day.
"Sister," the distinctly accented voice of Jocelyn cut across the corridor, "we need to talk." This was just bloody great. What else could possibly go wrong?
MRP II: Suspicion
Novice Jocelyn Selle
"What under the blessed Light is wrong with your sister?" Jocelyn's mind kept turning over those words, wondering what they meant as she swept the ground and watched her twin scrub down tables for the festivities. Kagita had said that Calia was acting strange, almost cooperative and eager to learn. Most Accepted would have counted that a blessing, but Kagita, like Jocelyn, had found it disturbing. In fact, the only thing that would have worried Jocelyn more concerning her sister was if the woman had stood at the top of the Tower and shouted to the world that she desired nothing more than she wanted to be Aes Sedai. If that ever happened Jocelyn might well have died from the shock of it. As it was, Jocelyn was surprised she hadn't fainted. To say something was wrong with Calia wasn't precisely correct from what Kagita had said; it might have been more appropriated to say that something was finally right. She was obeying Accepted and Aes Sedai, willing to learn, showing up promptly to lessons and not disrupting in the least. It was so perfectly right for a novice, yet so wrong for Calia.
It was strange. If she hadn't known her twin as well as she did, Jocelyn might have simply written this change off as the fact that Calia had finally adjust to White Tower life, to the idea that she could channel. Everyone else seemed to have decided that was what had happened, everyone else except Kagita. That woman, her former roommate, she believed that something was wrong as well. Jocelyn didn't know if it was because she sensed it was wrong or because she simply trusted the one-time damane's instinct on the subject, but Kagita Aren din Tealyn Wave Song agreed something wasn't right. That was something Jocelyn was grateful for. After all, she was going to need someone to back up her story if and when she went to Madeline Sedai with her fears. Once she had proof, that was when he would tell the Mistress of Novices one of her charges was up to something, not before.
Propping her broom against a table, Jocelyn left her sweeping soon after Calia had finished washing tables. She had half a mind to follow after Calia, not let the other novice out of her sight for an instant, but she had her own chores and preparations to report to. She stalked the halls of the Tower, a grim look painted on her features all day long despite the upcoming Wintersnight festivities. Every other novice and Accepted in the Tower was running about with smiles on their faces, exchanging merry hellos and juicy bits of gossip as they went from one festival assignment to the next on one of the few days no one would complain about chores. Yet one novice's mind was troubled, even as she tried to feign the same excitement for the sake of her few friends among the novices. What could elicit such a change in Calia so quickly? Maybe it shouldn't have bothered her so much, but she just felt like it was wrong. Perhaps working on a feeling wasn't an exact science, but it was the best she had, and her instincts rarely lied.
It was as she was dismissed from scrubbing floors that Jocelyn made up her mind to confront her sister. With a deep determination, Jocelyn made her way toward Calia's room in hopes of finding her sister and having her first real talk with her since the penance that had been set them by the then Accepted Menaihya many years ago. It was near the other novice's room that she found her sister, hurrying though the halls as if she actually had someplace to be this Wintersnight. Jocelyn opened her mouth to call to Calia, but hesitated, the words catching in her throat. Calia still scared the part of her that remembered being damane, the part that still was, even ten years later. She would have to work past that though. "Sister," she called with all the confidence she could muster, "we need to talk."
Calia stopped walking and turned slowly to face the other Seanchan woman. For the first time in what seemed like an Age, the twin sisters stood face to face and stared at each other; blue eyes meeting green in a silent contest of wills. There was no love lost between the twins, none at all, yet today Calia broke the tension with a soft smile that lit up her face like Jocelyn hadn't seen since they were children. "About what, dear sister?"
Jocelyn was momentarily taken aback, but quickly got over it. Her sister had always been a good actress. "About you, Calia. What in the Creator's name do you think you're up to? You might be fooling all the Aes Sedai, but I know you and I know that this isn't you. What are you plotting?"
"Plotting?" Calia echoed with what had to be feigned shock, "Why I don't know what you're talking about, Jocelyn. I've simply decided that it isn't worth fighting anymore, that I'm willing to give all this," she motioned around them, "a chance. Is that so terrible?" She smiled so sweetly it was sickening, but what could Jocelyn do? She had a hunch, but that was all. "Now, if you'll excuse me sister, I have to get ready for the festival." With that she went into her room and shut the door behind her, leaving Jocelyn staring dumbly out in the hall.
Slowly, processing everything that had just occurred, Jocelyn made her way back toward the single room she had so recently been moved into only to find Kagita waiting for her. "There you are!" The Atha'an Miere woman exclaimed as Jocelyn drew near. "I've got something for you." Before the Seanchan novice could object the Accepted was dangling a necklace in front of her. It was a beautiful work; a silver pendant shaped like a lily and holding a sparkling green stone for a center hung on a delicate silver chain. Jocelyn gasped at the small object that was held before her.
"Oh, it's beautiful Kagita," she said breathily, "but it's too much. I've no idea where you got the coin for something as fine as that and I have nothing for you. I couldn't take it."
Kagita smiled and simply reached around Jocelyn's neck to clasp it on her. "It's not too much, not for you."
Jocelyn's eyes narrowed in confusion as she met the other woman's gaze. "Wha-" Jocelyn hadn't even got out half a word before Kagita silenced her with a finger to her lips. Then the novice's green eyes went wide.
"I've been trying to decide how to say a lot of things since I was raised, Jocelyn, and I've decided that the best way to go about this would be to just say them." Jocelyn blinked, a strange nervous feeling growing in her stomach. "In my test, I saw a lot of things that scared me, and a few things that I didn't want to leave behind." She drew a deep breath as if stealing herself for something. "You were one of them. In the third Arch, there was you. I didn't want to leave, Jocelyn, but something told me that it wasn't reality that going back was more important. I listened, and I came back alive, but it cost me knowing that in that test I had left you to die. And…" She trailed off, and Jocelyn swallowed hard in the pause not wanting to hear what she was sure was coming next. "I don't know if the test is reality, Jocelyn, but I know I realized something in there and I have to know if it's true, if I even stand a chance."
Before Jocelyn knew what was happening, the Accepted had pressed her lips against Jocelyn's in a kiss that Jocelyn hadn't been expecting in the least. In fact, Jocelyn Selle had never been kissed before, and certainly not by another girl. Still, somehow, on the force of some instinct she had to suppose, Jocelyn found her arms slowly snaking around the younger woman as she deepened the kiss. It was clumsy and awkward, and everything that first kisses are supposed to be. Then, something else in Jocelyn's mind woke up. She drew away quickly, breathing heavily as she stared at the other woman in confusion. "I…" She started only to trail off at a loss for words in her confusion. What exactly did one say after that? "Kagita, I… I have to go." Jocelyn turned and walked down the hall with rapid steps that quickly turned into a run once she had rounded a corner.
Listening to the novice's soft footfalls, Kagita sighed sadly. "I guess I know now."
MRP III: Part Two – Thievery
Novice Calia Selle
The pair twirled gracefully around the dance floor, for all Calia's lack of experience in dancing, to the lively tune that had been struck up by the players. Winternight, it seemed, was a favorite of the novices of the White Tower when it came to opportunity to perhaps canoodle without the Aes Sedai noticing. Calia wasn't here for that though, despite the fact that she smiled and giggled and blushed like a girl half her age, putting up her best 'I've changed' act. She was making an appearance at the festival, as per her plan, so she wouldn't be missed later on and when the question of what she had been doing Wintersnight came up there would be at least a dozen other novices who could say she was enjoying the festivities. Of course, she obviously hadn't quite thought this all the way through as now she had to find some way to extricate herself from this endless cycle of idle chatter and dancing. She hadn't considered the possibility that being nice could attract so much attention and as the song ended, she was beginning to realize she should have. It was time to make her exit.
Smiling at the boy she had been dancing with, he had given his name but she hadn't bothered herself to remember it, Calia giggled for all the world like she was just another novice enjoying herself. Light but she hated this! "I'm a bit tired, and I do have to be up early tomorrow so I really should be getting to bed. I truly enjoyed myself tonight." With that and a smile, she turned to leave only to find the young Aethan'Tar, at least she thought he was an Aethan'Tar, soon walking along at her side. Repressing an urge to scream, Calia smiled at the boy shyly.
"Why don't you let me walk you up to your room, Calia? Surely you could allow that?" Yes, the raven-haired novice had a rather strong urge to scream right now. She was so close to freedom she could smell it, and this boy got in her way.
Somehow, Calia managed to giggle at the suggestion. "A boy in the girls' novice decks? Why, I think Madeline Sedai would have both our hides stripped! I think I'll just have to manage on my own." With that, she turned and lightly placed a kiss on the boy's cheek, stunning him into standing still as she continued on toward her goal. Well, that could have been worse. The boy could have been hard to manipulate instead of easily wrapped around her finger. It seemed that despite being over a decade out of practice, Calia's flirting skills were not entirely rusty. Many a novice might have been shocked that Calia had ever been a flirt, but a long time ago she had been quite sought after at festivals. A very long time ago it now seemed; a time when she and Jocelyn had been so'jhin still, a time when she had still had a twin sister.
Calia did indeed make her way up through the halls of the Tower until she reached the novice decks; that she hadn't been lying about. However, she wasn't headed for her own cell. She made one turn and then another on her way toward her true destination, the Mistress of Novices office. In a small alcove nearby, she had hidden the bundle of clothes and now retrieved them cautiously, looking about for anyone who might see the entire time. This was the riskiest part of the whole plan, sneaking in to the Mistress of Novices office and taking the a'dam. If she was caught here, it was all over. She would likely be assigned an Aes Sedai or an Accepted or someone to watch her every move and she would lose her only chance. Yet, Calia had taken note of the fact that both Sloane Sedai and Madeline Sedai were enjoying the festival which meant they wouldn't be able to get in her way. Even if their offices had wards on them, Calia would be in and out before either had a chance to register that the ward had been tripped. With a last glance around, Calia darted across the hall and tried the door.
It wasn't lock, to Calia's astonishment. She had fully expected to have to get around a lock, but she supposed that the Mistress of Novices door truly was always open. She hurried into the room and around behind the desk. She knew that Madeline Sedai had kept the a'dam after Aiyaela had removed it from around Jocelyn's neck, she simply had to find it. It had to be in one of these drawers, but she didn't have time to check the whole office. Pulling open a bottom drawer of the desk, one of the only ones large enough to hold the a'dam, Calia struck gold as it seemed luck was on her side. There reflecting the pale moonlight the window let in, was the a'dam. Drawing it out almost reverently, she was momentarily overjoyed by the simple fact that she finally had her a'dam back. She hadn't touched one in ten years, but as she snapped the bracelet around her wrist and hid it with the bundle of clothes it felt so right. She felt like a sul'dam again. Now she simply had to find her damane.
Trying hard not to look like she was hurrying, Calia left the office and shut the doors to leave everything as it had been when she entered. Where to find Jocelyn, that was the next question, but Calia had a fairly good idea where the other girl would be. If she knew anything about Jocelyn she would be alone, probably in her room, wasting away the night in self-pity. Jocelyn wasn't really one for festivals, not since the one that had made her a damane when they had been sixteen. So, Calia headed for her former sister's room with a smile, a genuine smile, on her face. Her time was finally here. She could have sung for the joy of it! She was going to be free at last. Yet, that tiny part of her still held back from rejoicing. Something within her was almost sad to go, a small piece of her psyche which was quickly pushed down and buried under the rest as she came to Jocelyn's door and raised a fist to knock.
The door was opened slowly by her twin. "Calia," The other Seanchan woman looked surprised, as well she should. "What are you doing here?" The door opened wider as Jocelyn stared at her, obviously confused and having been expecting to see someone else.
Dropping the bundle of clothing, Calia revealed the open collar of the a'dam and quickly snapped it around her sister's neck. Forcing Jocelyn back into her own room, Calia picked up a dress and tossed it at her. With a sneer, she answered the woman's question. "I'm taking back what's mine, damane. Now put that on and we'll be going." Doffing her own novice whites, Calia quickly followed her own instructions and changed into the other dress. When Jocelyn wasn't fast enough, Calia gave her the feeling of nettles scratching down her back through the a'dam. Light, but it felt so good to be complete with a damane again! Throwing a cloak over her shoulders and the other around Jocelyn's, Calia arranged them to hide the a'dam and walked out of the novice cube, with Jocelyn following behind.
Nothing would stop her now, not even the Creator himself.
MRP III: Capture
Novice Jocelyn Selle
After wandering the Gardens aimlessly, listening the Wintersnight music and having the ill-luck to stumble once upon a pair of lovers, Jocelyn had finally decided to return to her room for the night. Light knew that by now Kagita was certainly gone. Kagita. There was the source of Jocelyn's quiet confusion. What was she going to do about her Atha'an Miere friend? She honestly didn't know what to say or do or anything. Burn her, but for that matter the novice didn't even know what she was feeling about the whole situation. She cared about Kagita, that she could not deny, but she cared for her as a friend did, didn't she? That was not the basis for what Kagita seemed to feel for her. Still, just as Jocelyn couldn't deny that she did care for Kagita, she couldn't deny that kissing her had felt, well, it had felt good. But, on the other hand, Kagita was a girl! Were girls even supposed to feel that way about each other? Sure, plenty of novices had their pillow friends, but that was for lack of male contact, not love. Lying back on her bed, Jocelyn's fingers came to her lips gently as in wonder at a memory of having been kissed. What did all of it mean? Was what she felt actually real, or was it simply the pent up energy of over sixteen years of having nothing in the way, not even a hope, of a romantic relationship? How was she supposed to know?
A knock at the door, strong and confident, roused Jocelyn from her contemplations of love and romance and its effect on her life. She was reluctant to answer the door, fearing that it might be Kagita. She wasn't ready to see her former roommate again, not yet, not until she had sorted all this out for herself. Lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, Jocelyn considered not answering the door and letting her visitor leave without knowing she was even here. Whoever it was would be better off if the simply returning the festivities and forgetting they had even wanted to see Jocelyn tonight. Yet, something made Jocelyn rise from where she lay deep in thought and answer the knocking. When she opened the door she was surprised by who she saw. "Calia," she said with unmasked shock. After all, since when did Calia come to visit her? "What are you doing here?" She opened the door wider so that she could see the other woman properly, an action which proved itself to be rather ill-advised.
Click. That was the sound of the collar of an a'dam snapping shut around her throat. Jocelyn's hands went instantly to the seemingly seamless silver piece around her neck as Calia backed her into the room, a sneer on her face. Desperately, the damane's fingers tried to find a way to remove the cursed thing as tears welled up in her eyes. She wouldn't be a prisoner again, never again. No! She wouldn't allow this to happen! She was a novice of the White Tower, surely someone would stop this! "I'm taking back what's mine, damane." Jocelyn's knees felt weak; she nearly collapsed then and there as she caught the dress that had been carelessly thrown at her as she heard the door click shut. "Now put that on and we'll be going." Slowly, Jocelyn stopped struggling and began to change dresses. She wanted to scream, but her numbing mind couldn't summon enough concentration to do so. She wanted to hit the sul'dam, but the part of her mind that still knew what it was to be a reluctant damane warned her against it. Any pain felt by Calia would be felt by Jocelyn twofold. Light, but she couldn't even reach saidar, or even hold a bloody knife, to end it all! She would rather die than be a collared animal again.
Jocelyn jumped in surprise as the feel of nettles raked across her back, a small taste of pain to make her change faster. She shivered, remembering the pain she had been made to feel through an a'dam in the past. It was unpleasant, and that was in fact an understatement. Needless to say, she changed faster and soon was dressed in the plain, woolen traveling dress while the novice dress that had for so long represented her freedom lay in a crumpled pile by her feet. She felt sick, so very sick, as if she would lose the contents of her stomach at any moment. She was a captive of her own ability again, and she couldn't even pull together the courage to do something about it. Not that there was anything she could do. Once she had arranged cloaks around both their shoulders to hide the silvery metal that connected them, Calia gave Jocelyn a light pat on the head and led the way out into the hall. Jocelyn recoiled, but still followed, albeit at the maximum distance the leash would allow.
Calia led the way through the darkened halls with a supreme confidence. Even the main halls of the Tower seemed to be fairly empty tonight, so their exit to the stables was unimpeded. Jocelyn looked pleadingly at each passing merrymaker, silently begging for one of them to recognize her or to recognize Calia and stop them. None did, in fact people's eyes seemed to meet hers with no more recognition than that of any other passing stranger. Failing at her attempts, Jocelyn tried instead to fill her mind with happier thoughts. She thought of lessons, of being released from the a'dam all those years ago, of friends she had grown close to over so many years. Yes, she even allowed her thoughts to drift to Kagita. In fact, she found her thoughts still centered on the woman despite her current situation. Would she ever see her again? Light, but was the Pattern so cruel as to offer her ten years of freedom only to snatch it away again and return her to a life as a less than human slave?
In the stables, there were plenty of horses that were still saddled, waiting to be ridden home for the night. Calia seemed to simply pick two at random and lead them from their stalls with a smile and a nod to the stable boy. Surely the boy realized something was wrong? But he did nothing to stop them and before Jocelyn knew what was happening she was on the back of a grey mare being led by Calia as she rode on a mare black as the night. They were coming up on the gates of the White Tower. The guards would stop them, wouldn't they? Jocelyn's mind reeled as she seemed to be watching from some back seat, not in control of her own body. The guards waved them through as they would any other Wintersnight festivalgoer. It was just too much. Jocelyn knew that eventually she would be broken; it had happened before and it would again. Why fight it this time? She drew back within herself, her consciousness pulled in tight under the other layers of her mind, an observing passenger and nothing more. After all, it would be better if she just didn't fight it too hard. She would only hurt herself.
The pair, sul'dam and damane, left the Tower with barely a glance from anyone else. What reason had anyone to thing the two young ladies were novices? They didn't look like novices, and they didn't act like them, therefore logic would dictate that they were indeed not novices. Calia rode onto the streets of Tar Valon in triumph, the White Tower at her back as a cursed prison of the past, and another girl sitting the horse behind her being led through the gates. No one would be the wiser for many hours yet. In the morning, two white dresses would be found discarded on the floor as if in a hurry in Jocelyn's room and the a'dam would be discovered missing. Jocelyn cared about none of this though. She was done fighting; she had fought too long. She was Seanchan, she knew her fate even if she didn't like it, and only fools tried to fight the fate the Wheel wove for them.
If Jocelyn had been paying attention and not withdrawn into her own mind, she would have seen Calia smirk. She had just broken a woman in twenty minutes. It was a new personal best.
MRP IV: Part Three – Escape
Novice Calia Selle
This was just too easy. She threaded through the halls of the White Tower and barely a glance was shot in her direction. A few inebriated celebrators even nodded in greeting to her as they passed the two women. In the stables, she had her pick of horses and she was then able to ride from the Tower grounds without even a question. This was an escape a decade in the making, one she doubted the Tower would ever forget. No, these marath'damane would not be allowed to forget the name of Calia Selle, the woman who had single-handedly brought all their secrets to the Seanchan and thereby brought about the fall of Tar Valon and the Aes Sedai. Oh, how the mighty would fall; fast and hard. After all, those who placed themselves on pedestals as high as the Aes Sedai had a very, very long way to fall. As it was said, what went up must come down. Well, these marath'damane had enjoyed all to long a journey up; it was time for them to come tumbling down, and Calia was going to bring it about.
They passed easily by the Tower guards. Calia could have thrown back her head and laughed simply for the joy of it. In fact, she did. So this was what freedom felt like. She was free for the first time in ten years as she road through the streets of Tar Valon toward the Alindaer Bridge where she would cross the River Erinin and begin the trek toward her people in Ebou Dar. At the bridge, Calia drew her mount to a stop and twisted in the saddle to gaze at the White Tower; a pale spire stretching to the sky. For all the beauty it was to look at, Calia loathed that colorless place and the marath'damane it housed. She loathed it in the way only when who had lived there, or been held prisoner there, could loathe it. Calia liked the idea that she stood in opposition to everything that damned Tower stood for. For the moment, she was a sul'dam of the Seanchan Empire riding in glorious triumph back to her people. Perhaps she would have to submit to being damane when she returned, but she would do so with a smile on her face. She had done what was said to be impossible; she had escaped the White Tower!
With a sharp kick, she sent her horse and Jocelyn's into a quick trot as they crossed the bridge and were free of Tar Valon forever. Some part of her being though, that bit she had buried before, held back though. Why did she still feel a connection to that hated place? Even as she was off the bridge and heading at a good speed away something in her begged to return. This was her night of glory, her night to shine and revel in what she had accomplished, not to mourn the passing of a period of her life that she would just as soon forget. Could it be that she was actually a little reluctant to leave all that the White Tower was behind. After all, she was riding toward what would simply be another life as a prisoner. Wasn't it better to be a prisoner by one's own choosing though, than to be forcibly kept somewhere like the Tower by witches such as the Aes Sedai? That was the rationale Calia was following at least.
Once they had finally left the merrymaking in the town of Alindaer at the end of the bridge behind, Calia breathed a final sigh of relief. That was that. The hardest part was now over; which wasn’t to say she could let down her guard, but rather that now that they were out they could go anywhere to avoid capture and some places where the Aes Sedai wouldn’t dare follow. Calia had every intention of requesting to be shipped back to somewhere where the Seanchan were in firm control. If they would still listen to her request, that was. Damane were generally not high on the list of people who had to be pleased, especially if one considered the fact that they weren't really people at all. Calia didn't like that thought at all, but she knew what she was and how she was supposed to live her life. Mother and Father, Light bless them, would be devastated to lose their only daughter, but some things couldn't be helped. This was one of them. Every Seanchan knew it could happen someday, and they were prepared for it.
The night was young yet, at least it wasn't yet midnight so young was what it had to be, but Calia found herself unexplainably tired. Perhaps it was the excitement of the day, or the stress of the escape, but she wanted to simply lie down on the side of the road and fall asleep. They couldn't stop though, not this close to Tar Valon. Only by riding through the night did they stand a chance. Calia looked back at Jocelyn – or Juri as she would begin to properly call the damane again. After all, what sort of name was Jocelyn for a damane? The girl's brown braid swung back and forth with the gentle movements of her head. She looked withdrawn and unresponsive, but that was nothing a few days reminder of what it was to be a proper damane couldn't fix. "Juri," Calia said softly. The other woman's head turned to look at her, green eyes dead to the world as the gazed at the sul'dam. "Ah, there's a good girl. You still remember your name after all this time." Juri said nothing. Well, that would have to be fixed too. They had time though. Calia had trained her once, she could do it again.
The pair rode in silence for the rest of the night but for the sound of the horses' hooves against the hard packed dirt of the road. The morning sun dawned bright in the east as Calia led them to the side of the road where there was a bush that would make for decent cover and a good place to rest. Traveling by day would be more dangerous, so resting some during the hours of light was a good idea. She had at least a days ride on anyone who would be sent after them, and that was if whatever Aes Sedai they sent chose the right direction to begin with. Sometime around noon they could start off again, maybe even put a little more space between them and the Aes Sedai that was bound to follow. Calia dropped off to a light yet restful sleep quickly, but next to her Jocelyn found sleep a long time in coming and plagued with unpleasant dreams. For twins, they really couldn't have been more different and even now they displayed that fact while one was on a power trip and the other's spirit was broken. Calia had escaped, but at what cost to herself and at what cost to Jocelyn? Seeds of doubt, they had been there since the beginning, but only now did they begin to sprout. Calia had already begun to question. Still, for now she slept peacefully, content with the fact that the place she slept wasn't the White Tower.
Neither of them could have known that at this moment, back at the White Tower, the fact that they were missing was being discovered and an Aes Sedai who was practically guaranteed to catch them was being recalled from the field.
MRP Assist I: The Hunt Begins
Terrian Dy'ner Sedai
The silvery blue slash of a Skimming gateway opened wide in the White Tower's traveling yards, and an Aes Sedai without even the barest hint of the ageless look, yet an Aes Sedai nonetheless, stepped back onto Tower grounds for the first time in quite a few months. Alina had said that whatever new assignment was had for her was urgent; it had to be if they would send an Aes Sedai by means of Traveling to Mayene on Bel Tine of all days. Alessandra had to have had a specific reason for choosing to recall her from her trip and assignments with her near-sister. She had told Menaihya that she had Division business elsewhere, and Menaihya did as well for that matter, and they had agreed to split for a time and meet up again at an undetermined time in the future. Yet, this sudden summons worried Terrian deeply. What could be this urgent that someone would be sent to the First's Palace in Mayene to get her? After all, the Green Ajah had a decent number of Field Assigned Aes Sedai, all of them quite capable at what they did, and an assignment could be given to any of them. What was special about this one?
Despite her attempts to hurry through the halls of the Tower, Terrian was stopped at what seemed to be every turn by a Sister or Brother with greetings and questions as to what brought her back to the Tower. She simply smiled and diverted the questions, saying she was in rather a rush and had things that had to be seen to before she was off again; that she was just back for a quick visit, nothing of much significance. Luckily, the higher up she got in the levels of the White Tower, the less people she ran into seeking a few words. Most of the Tower's residents were actually on their way down to the festivities of Bel Tine, the competitions and the time off from lessons and other obligations being highly prized at the White Tower. Terrian had been preparing to take part in the celebrations in Mayene before Alina had arrived with the message. Yet, when Alina had arrived, Terrian had dropped just about everything in favor of returning to Tar Valon. It was shaping up to be a very strange day indeed.
As she finally stepped out onto the level of the Green Ajah wing that was her final destination, she found the halls as completely empty as it was possible to be. Not even a servant tiptoed about in the quiet. Of course, leave it to the Greens to be out enjoying Bel Tine with the best of them. It was a bit of a stereotype, yes, but that was just the sort of people they were. Besides, Terrian was a Green herself so it couldn't be considered any less than a compliment coming from her. Still, she supposed the area wasn't entirely uninhabited. There sat Lasha outside Alessandra's office, her usual spot as Terrian recalled it. "Morning, Lasha." Terrian said brightly by way of greeting.
"Ah, Terrian, it's been a while." She answered with a smile, "You're expected, of course. Go right on in."
Terrian nodded, "Thanks, Lasha. I hope this isn't too serious." Lasha merely shrugged as Terrian went past her into the office of the Captain-General. Behind her desk sat Alessandra Mailloche, clearly absorbed in the file in her hands, yet she looked up quickly as Terrian came in. A little self-consciously, Terrian pushed the golden locks of curled hair which escaped the ribbon she had tied them back with behind her ears. Strange how she had almost forgotten she had curled her hair in the Amadician style for the festivals but now it came back to her as she lowered herself into a chair. "You needed me, Captain-General? I assume this must be urgent, as I was recalled from Mayene for it."
"Yes, Terrian, you assume correctly. Thank you for returning so quickly. I know you hadn't planned to be back in Tar Valon for quite a while yet." Terrian nodded slightly as Alessandra continued. "I have an assignment that requires your attention specifically." She pushed a file across the desk. Terrian picked it up and opened it, hazel eyes quickly scanning the contents. Why, many of these notations were in her own hand! The first note, on the top of the first page, explained why. This was Calia Selle's novice file; full of notes on temperament, lesson progress, and various disciplinary actions that had been taken in an attempt to curb that stubborn attitude of hers. "Madeline brought this up not too long ago. Seeing as you perhaps know Calia best of any of her teachers it was decided to give this to you. I have to say; quite a lot of the notes in there are in your hand." Terrian smiled faintly as she flipped through the pages, until she came to the note that was obviously the purpose of all this. One that read simply about how Calia Selle was discovered missing this very morning. She repressed a strong urge to leave that very moment and go after the fool girl.
"No one has been dispatched to find her yet?" She asked instead, eyes skipping over all the information again.
"No, no one knows where to begin and rather than waste time we thought to wait for you." She slid another file across her desk. Terrian glanced questioningly up at Alessandra before picking up this one too. Opening it revealed it to be the file of Novice Jocelyn Selle. It was significantly thinner than Calia's; lacking many of he disciplinary reports her twin's held. In fact, the only one Terrian saw was written in what she recognized as her near-sister's hand and dated at nearly eight years ago. Jocelyn was noted as being a willing, well-behaved, and eager student who was happy with her life in the White Tower. Recent months she seemed to show a trend of growing impatient and even challenging a few Accepted, but she seemed so close to being Accepted herself that the notes were minor marks against her. Yet, there was an identical report to the one in Calia's file that stated she had been discovered missing this morning.
"They're both missing? I can see Calia running, but Jocelyn? What little I knew of her she was happy and excited to be a novice and hopefully an Aes Sedai someday."
"Yes, but there is evidence that she might not of left the Tower by choice. Madeline also discovered that someone had snuck into her office last night and the only item she found missing was the a'dam taken when those two arrived." Terrian's eyes shot up from the report to stare at Alessandra.
"You don't think that Calia forced her to go with that thing, do you? I mean, she was certainly never a good novice, but I was under the impression she was beginning to adjust to it."
"Nothing has been ruled out, Terrian. Your assignment is to find them and bring them back before they are met by any of the Seanchan." Terrian nodded. "No one knows what way the went, but -"
"They're headed for Ebou Dar if I know Calia." Terrian cut in distractedly as she continued her study of the files.
"What makes you say that?"
"I know Calia." Terrian responded simply. "And that's the nearest Seanchan occupied region to Tar Valon." She set the files on Alessandra's desk as she stood. "If I may, I'd like to leave straight away." Alessandra nodded and dismissed her. Terrian turned quickly and had to make a very strong effort not to run through the halls of the Tower. That job she set to the first novice she caught sight of on her way down to the Kitchens to gather some food for the search. "Child," She called loudly. The boy slowed then stopped and bowed. "Run down to the stables and have them saddle one of the Tower's swiftest horses. Tell them Terrian Sedai will be down for it before the bells toll the next hour." The boy hesitated for a moment. "Well," Terrian demanded, "what are you waiting for? I said run!" The novice jumped and set of at a sprint through the halls of the Tower. Terrian hurried on toward the Kitchen and was able to get Laras to pack her traveling food quickly.
Well wrapped pack of food in hand, Terrian made her way past the festivities and out to the stables where the horse she had requested was already waiting for her. Good, the boy must have run the whole way. In her rush, she practically jumped on the horses back, ignoring the fact that her skirts were certainly not divided for riding and therefore nearly pulled up past her knees. The foodstuffs were tossed haphazardly into a saddlebag and dug her heels in, setting the horse to a decent trot. As soon as she cleared the streets of Tar Valon she would pick up the pace. Light burn that girl! Stupid, stubborn, Seanchan! Didn't she realize what she had done; the amount of trouble she was in? Terrian would drag those two back to the White Tower if it was the last bloody thing she ever did.
MRP IV: Broken
Novice Jocelyn Selle
Two days, that was how long they had been on the road from Tar Valon. Jocelyn was but a shell of her former self having fallen so swiftly from her life of freedom, she simply didn't care anymore. Being treated as an animal was simply easier if one just gave in and accepted the fact that they were an animal. After all, if the sul'dam said it was so it must be true and she should just accept it. Accept, accepted, those words tugged at something in the damane's already fleeting memories of freedom. A glint of gold on a finger, a flash of colored bands on the field of a white garment, those were the memories those words evoked but nothing more. She felt as if it was something that was important, that she should remember it, but she let the images slip away regardless. She was a damane now, what use did she have for memories of past lives. She wasn't that girl any more. Bloody ashes, but for as fast as she was letting memory slip away she was beginning to doubt she ever had been that girl.
A dark skinned girl, someone the damane's mind also connected with the word accepted. Every time she had begun to forget things, every time what little piece of Jocelyn was left began to fade into oblivion that memory appeared and drew her back from the edge. Strange that she felt such a connection to a woman whose name was lost in the turmoil that was Jocelyn's – Or was she Juri?– mind. What was this woman to her? Someone she cared about enough to remember at least. A friend. Yet, there were memories of her lips pressed against this woman's in the darkness of an empty corridor. That spoke for more than friendship. The tiny seed that was Jocelyn's consciousness, the part still able to work after two days of torture by a'dam, watched the memory unfold from deep within her own mind. It clung to the memory, and the few others it could gather, like a drowning person clung to the log that kept them afloat. Jocelyn recognized it as a part of who she had been before the a'dam had reclaimed her as a damane. It was one of the few secret treasures she could keep while she was collared. Jealously she gathered the bits and pieces of remembrances together and drew them into the protection of the recesses of her mind, where Calia couldn't touch them.
"Juri," Calia's voice drew the damane out of the depths of her own mind and in the same stroke banished the memories and the Jocelyn of the last ten years back to the edge of oblivion. "Ah, so you are still awake, dear." The sul'dam said with only a mild condescendence. Some part of the damane's mind registered irritation at the tone Calia took toward her, but it was ignored. "Be a good damane and create a warming weave for us. These people might think this is spring but I do believe spring was a good deal warmer than this back in Noren M'Shar." The damane didn't respond to the comment; it wasn't her place to respond to the sul'dam's comments. She was simply a tool to be used as the raven-haired woman saw fit. Embracing saidar as instructed, she drew out the necessary bits of Fire and Air and Spirit to form the weave that was quickly becoming familiar for as often as she had had to weave it the past few days. She tied it off easily and dropped saidar with a slight reluctance. She didn't fancy the punishment she would receive if the sul'dam had to wrench it from her grasp though, so she did allow the Power to drain from her quickly enough.
They rode on in silence, the damane guiding her horse after Calia's clumsily. She had never really ridden before this, and she knew that now was only a special case because the sul'dam was in a hurry and wanted to get back quickly. If Jocelyn had been forced to run as a damane normally was she would have slowed them down and they couldn't afford to be slowed down. At least that was what Calia said. The sul'dam seemed to speak only to fill the silence sometimes, as if the lack of conversation unnerved her. Not that that made any sense as the sul'dam shouldn't have been expecting conversation with a damane. That was a truly strange idea. Maybe the other woman just liked to talk then, liked the sound of her own voice. Well, Jocelyn was perfectly comfortable within the silence of her covetously hoarded memories. Perhaps if she could sort through them she would have something to keep her sane.
Jocelyn hadn't really realized it before, but it was as if she and the damane were two totally different people. She lay locked deep within a prison of her own making with only fragmented recollections as her company, separate from the rest of the world, isolated in her own mind. That secluded piece was the real her. The damane was the person, or rather not person but the semantics didn't really matter anymore, the world saw now. She liked it this way. She was hurt less when everything there was about her to be hurt couldn't be touched. If only she could always wrap herself up in this unfeeling shell, maybe she would survive this torture until she was free again. She had done it before, hadn't she? Yet, the last time she had broken free of her self-constructed mental prison she had had to fight the part of her that was damane, shock it into remembering who she was. Yes, there the memory of it was. It was a fragment among many in her collection of moments.
For the first time in a while, Jocelyn allowed herself to emerge briefly to look out through her own pale green eyes at the world around her. She was aware of it all, but the part of her that was broken and already molding to the sul'dam's will was growing stronger. She was afraid that she would soon be banished to her exile again, as she had been the first time she had been collared, and she wanted to see the world for herself one last time before that happened. Light, but how could she want to fight so badly yet break so easily? Her spirit had been shattered like fine crystal as soon as the a'dam was around her neck. Was she so weak, or was it just that she was a well trained Seanchan dog? She would like to think it wasn't either of those things, but there was little other option. She had broken so easily, like she had only been shards already, held together by nothing more than the power of another. When touched she had crumbled.
Looking at the world, Jocelyn saw nothing of interest but a long stretch of road. Her unusually attentive gaze turned to Calia, her sister sitting her horse with a look of struggle on her face. She seemed to be fighting herself over something that only she knew. Jocelyn could only imagine what. Likely some point of her return to their people or the best way to continue Jocelyn's retraining. Yes, Jocelyn had become much more cynical but when the only thing the Wheel gave one was hardship what else could be expected? Jocelyn found herself scowling as Calia, perhaps sensing the eyes on her back, turned slightly to look at her damane. Jocelyn instantly withdrew back into herself and Calia's icy blue gaze returned to the road ahead as they continued in their silence. It was just so much easier this way.
MRP V: Go Back
Novice Calia Selle
Three days out and Calia had somehow expected to be happier than this. Or, at least she hadn't expected to be miserable. She hadn't touched saidar in all this time, that was an accomplishment to be proud of, was it not? She had retrained a damane to the leash. That was yet another accomplishment to be proud of if nothing else. Most importantly, she was still free of the marath'damane and growing ever closer to her final destination of Ebou Dar. So why wasn't she happy? Why was the doubt, the need to return to Tar Valon that she had first felt as soon as they left, growing within her? Never before had she doubted herself, her actions, especially not when it brought her closer to her freedom from the prison of the White Tower. She had been captured ten years ago, for the Light's sake! She had heard of what happened to captives if held too long, they began to actually like their captors, but Calia was certain that was not it. She had striven for freedom all this time, so there must be something else.
Freedom, there was a thought that tugged at her. Was this really freedom or was it just a slow march to another captivity? But this way she got to choose her prison! That was the logic she had been following for three days! Her blue-eyed gaze swiveled for a moment as they rode to look at Jocelyn. Not that she needed to look at her, she could sense her presence through the a'dam, but she was different than before. This creature she was connected to by the silvery length of the a'dam was seemingly dead to the world. Once brilliant green eyes held no sparkle, once smiling face was eternally blank. Occasionally, Calia could swear that she caught some sense of awareness emanating from the damane but it vanished almost as quickly as she was able to notice its existence. The very sight made her cringe in a most unexpected manner. A most un-sul'dam like manner. She had seen dozens of sad broken creatures over the years and never had she felt so disgusted by it. Never before had she felt an urge to remove the bracelet from her wrist and the collar from her damane's neck and set them both free of the cursed thing. What she was trained to do had never made her feel quite so ill before.
She imagined, for a moment, how it had felt to have the collar around her own neck. Aiyaela Sedai had done that when she had first been brought to Tar Valon with Jocelyn. She had been unable to do anything Jocelyn had wanted her to do, forced to give the information the then Assistant Mistress of Novices had requested. She had felt so helpless and had wanted nothing more than to remove that collar from around her neck; she had known how to do it too. Why was it that she had thought she would be able to live the next six hundred years of her life as a damane anyway? Looking at Jocelyn, or what was left of the woman who used to be Jocelyn, Calia realized that she didn't want to end up like that. She didn't want to be a broken shell of a person. Or less than a person as the thinking went in Seanchan. Dear Creator but did this make her as much a traitor as any other Seanchan in the White Tower?
Traitor, treason, the words floated through her mind as she wondered if it would truly be as bad as it sounded. Finally she did something she had been considering for a while as the rode along the stretch of dirt road; she reined her horse to a stop and Jocelyn followed suit. She had always sworn that if she had to compromise every last one of her other morals, she would never betray the Empire. It had been her thought to avoid ever being labeled that, of all things, to avoid the shame that it would bring upon herself and her family. Was it worth losing this though? By this she meant her freedom of movement, her freedom to live her own life of course. For the first time she came to realize that although she had thought she had accepted the idea of being a damane she didn't relish it at all. Life as a novice and even an Accepted might mean restricted freedom, so she was coming to understand, but it was still freedom. That was what mattered, wasn't it? Light preserve her, but she wanted to live free of the leash. She had made her decision, and the Light burn her soul to ash if it was the wrong one.
Turning to Jocelyn, to look at the hollow shell of a being that sat the horse next the her, Calia reached down and with thumb and forefinger triggered the release on the bracelet of the a'dam. The damane showed no reaction until Calia reached across the space between them and laid her hands gently on the collar. Feeling along it, she found the release and smiled at the satisfying sound of the thing opening. Then something she hadn't expected happened; Jocelyn panicked like any damane in this situation would. Calia hadn't thought she was that far gone already, but she quickly closed the collar around her sister's neck again. She calmed quickly, though a small fist still tightly gripped the end of her braid as she had grabbed it in her panic. What had Calia done? She had taken her own sister and broken every bit of resistance that was left in her. Reluctantly, she put the bracelet back on her own wrist and felt something strange. It wasn't a feeling from Jocelyn, but from herself. It wasn't new so much as something she hadn't felt in a very long time. Reaching up a hand, she wiped at her eyes and found that her hand came back wet with her own tears. She was crying; crying because she had destroyed her own sister. She hadn't shed a tear for anyone, much less Jocelyn, in years. Or maybe, just maybe some of her tears were for herself.
The last fifteen, no sixteen, years of her life were pointless cruelty after cruelty. She thought back on it all, the number of women she had participate in breaking to this pathetic state, the number who hadn't even needed to be broken to be compliant. How did one go on when the left everything they were, or once had been, behind? Was it even possible to start completely fresh, to build a new life out of the ashes of an old one? Calia didn't know, she really didn't, but she did know that she was thirty-two years old and had finally stopped being a child. A sad smile lighted on her face as she wheeled her mount around and Jocelyn's followed. They were going back; back to Tar Valon, back to the White Tower. That was Calia's final decision. Light send it was a good one.
MRP Assist II: Easy Catch
Terrian Dy'ner Sedai
This wasn't proving to be as easy as Terrian had at first hoped it would be. She knew she was going in the right direction, which was a start at least. When she had passed through the last town and described the odd set of twins to the townsfolk that lived there she had been told the pair had gone through less than a day ahead of her. That still put her a step behind them though. They had left the night before she had, giving them at least half a day's ride on her if not more. Blast that stupid girl! What had possessed Calia to try to run from the White Tower? Well, no, that was a stupid question. She knew exactly what had made Calia run. The girl was a sul'dam with the Corenne to the very last and she wasn't going to stay shut up in the White Tower when she saw a chance to return to her people. Damn it all! Terrian should have seen this coming. She knew Calia better than any Aes Sedai except perhaps Madeline. She'd known the girl nearly the whole time she'd been in the Tower since way back when Terrian herself had still worn the banded hems of an Accepted.
There had been a period during her time as a novice when Terrian had been much like Calia, she had seriously considered escape from the White Tower and she had come of her own free will to begin with. Someone had managed to get through to her though, a luxury Calia apparently didn't have. Still, Terrian could hardly believe the Seanchan woman would go so far as to break into the Mistress of Novices office, steal an a'dam, and then kidnap her own sister of all the atrocities in the world. Terrian was, for a rare change, glad that she had been born to life as an only child. Certainly she was glad to have found a woman she could think of as a friend as close as a sister, but if the way Calia treated Jocelyn was the way with siblings, Terrian wanted nothing to do with it. Still, Terrian was going to find the stubborn fool of an excuse for a woman and drag her back to the White Tower by her bootlaces if that was what it took.
In the distance, Terrian caught sight of a pair of travelers coming toward her along the road. Aside from that brief notice she didn't pay them any more mind. They were headed in the wrong direction for the novices, though when they were closer perhaps she could stop them and question them. At least, that was her thinking until she felt saidar being embraced by someone nearby and saw the strands of Spirit woven around her so quickly she barely registered what they were before they fell on her. A shield, she had been shielded! Looking again at that pair of travelers, they were nearly close enough to talk to now; she saw the halo of the Power burning brightly around one of them. One hand on the dagger belted at her waist, Terrian urged her mare into a gallop toward the two women, for they were women. She was livid that somebody would dare shield her, absolutely livid, and she was out for answers. When she got closer, she was shocked at the sight of the pair that met her. "Calia?" She said in amazement, drawing her horse to a stop. "Jocelyn? What under the Light is going on here? I demand that you release this shield immediately."
"Jocelyn," Calia said softly, almost as if she wasn't listening to the Aes Sedai's words, "I never told you to shield her. You will release that weave and let go of saidar this instant." The brown haired girl did so quickly, eyes cast down as she looked chastised. "I'm sorry, Terrian Sedai. She does still have a mind of her own, though it doesn’t seem to be functioning quite properly right now." Calia smiled a sad smile as Terrian stared dumbstruck.
"You are aware that I've been sent to bring you back to Tar Valon, to the White Tower, aren't you Novice Calia?" The girl nodded. "And you are aware that the direction you've been riding will take you directly back to Tar Valon not away from it?" Again, Calia nodded, raven hair falling across her face as she did.
"I know that Aes Sedai, I was intending upon returning now." When Terrian looked at her disbelievingly she continued with, "I don't want to be a damane." As if that cleared everything up! Terrian didn't understand why a runaway who has successfully escaped the Tower and then the city would suddenly decide to turn around and come back, not that she was complaining about it. She just didn't like not understanding. Shrugging, she dismounted and waited for the two girls two do the same.
"Child, I don't know what made you come to your senses, but I'm glad you did." Reaching out, Terrian attempted to place her hands on the collar around Jocelyn's neck only to have the girl back away as if the very thought of freedom was frightening. Undeterred, she tried again only to have Jocelyn back away again. She looked to Calia questioningly.
"Her spirit's been broken Terrian Sedai." She said by way of answer. "She won't let anyone remove that collar yet, and I wouldn't recommend it unless she was shielded and somewhere safe."
Terrian held out her hand. "Then I suggest you give me the bracelet, Novice Calia." The dark-haired Seanchan nodded and removed the bracelet of the a'dam from her own wrist and snapping it around Terrian's. The Aes Sedai shuddered as soon as the slivery metal touched her, wanting to be rid of the sickening thing as soon as possible. She felt dirty just having it on her wrist, like she needed a very long bath and even then she wasn't sure she would feel entirely clean. Resisting the urge to squirm uncomfortably, she opened herself to saidar and felt it flood her in a torrent like she had never felt. Abruptly she realized she was using the a'dam and drawing on Jocelyn's strength as well as her own; she didn't like it, but she didn't know how to stop it. First, she shielded Calia; though she knew the girl's minimal control wasn't enough to do anything to her she felt it was better to be safe. Then she wove a gateway for Skimming large enough for the each of the horses to pass through and the platform on the other side could easily hold twice as many people and horses as there were. "Stay away from the edges," she cautioned sternly, "if you fall, you fall forever. Well, being channelers you could simply create another platform, but there's no telling where you'd arrive and I won't lose you again." Calia nodded and Jocelyn didn't seem to give any indication that she'd even heard, but she didn't seem to be moving either. This was simply strange beyond anything Terrian had ever before been party to.
The trip back through the emptiness of Skimming was made in complete silence. If the look on Calia's face was any indication, she was too ashamed to speak. Jocelyn was simply too broken to speak. Terrian, well Terrian was too busy mulling over what had just happened to want to lecture the novices. Besides, she was sure Madeline would do a fine job with the lecturing when they got back. The gateway opened into the White Tower's traveling yards as one had on Bel Tine and Terrian ushered the girls and horses out before stepping out herself and letting the gateway snap shut. When they got to Madeline Sedai's office Terrian suspected there would be a lot of explaining to do.
MRP V: Price of Freedom
Novice Jocelyn Selle
That little piece of Jocelyn wasn't even sure she wanted to emerge from the depths of her own mind anymore. She was very content to live out the rest of her days with her memories and that was that. Somewhere on the fringes of her consciousness she was aware of the feeling of someone new wearing the bracelet of the a'dam, of that person drawing saidar through her instead of ordering her to do it. None of this concerned her though; sul'dam were trading damane all the time so this was no cause for alarm. Besides, she wasn't so sure if the infinite darkness around her was just the inside of her skull or if it existed outside as well. Briefly allowing herself to be aware of her surroundings, she realized that the nondescript blackness was indeed her surroundings. It was a strange place, wherever they were. And the new, golden-haired sul'dam seemed familiar; although she also seemed a bit disheveled as if she had been on the road without stopping for a few days. Jocelyn thought she might have seen her before. Strange, she evoked memories like that dark-skinned girl. Different sorts of memories, but Jocelyn lovingly collected them and hid them away anyway. The more pieces she had the better chance she had of putting the whole puzzle together someday.
As suddenly as Jocelyn had become away of the darkness, she was aware of stepping into the bright light of midmorning in Tar Valon. This place assaulted her with memory as the new sul'dam led them into the tall, white spire and through the twists and turns of many hallways. Yet, Jocelyn's feet seemed to know the path as she followed quietly. People were staring at her, at her and the two sul'dam. At least she thought they were sul'dam. This wasn't like any damane kennel she remembered though. Strange place, all full of white and people dressed in white. Jocelyn found her little corner of her mind waking up and stretching a little as she was bombarded by all these new – Or were they old? – sights. Well, whatever they were, they were at least worth taking notice of so she perked up a little. Not too much though, mind, she wasn't looking for a beating.
The people though! They all looked at her as if they knew her, or at least as if she should know them. She was so confused that she actually retreated back within the comforting barriers of her mind once more. Here she was safe, safe from all the things that tried to hurt her otherwise. Not even the sul'dam could reach the real her when she sealed up like this. That was just the way she liked it too. Alone with bits of remembrance she began to sift through it all, placing things she had gleaned before with the new bits that had just surfaced. A flash of gold and a hem banded in seven colors went with the girls she saw dressed like that; all of them dressed exactly the same with that glint of gold coming from the same finger. These people were connected in her mind to the word accepted. Or was it Accepted, with an obvious capital? Yes, that was it, the second way with the capital letter. Come to think of it, she knew letters didn't she? She had learned them somewhere, she just couldn't quite remember where and all this remembering was taxing.
Then they came to a place with one of the girls in white sitting outside. Something about it tugged extra hard at Jocelyn's memories, but she didn't know what. The girl in white looked Jocelyn and Calia over appraisingly, taking in their dusty and travel-worn stolen apparel. "Are they new, Aes Sedai?" She asked as she stood to drop a graceful curtsey.
"No, their old," the golden-haired woman replied levelly, "and since when did novices ask questions of Aes Sedai?" The girl in all white opened her mouth, probably to apologize, but the one she called Aes Sedai cut her off. "Never mind that, child. I trust Madeline Sedai is available?" The girl nodded and jumped up quickly to tell this Madeline Sedai of her visitors. "I'm sure you understand, Calia, seeing as you've been punished more than your fair share of times, but I'll need you to stay out here." Jocelyn felt saidar being pulled through her again as the sul'dam bound the raven-haired sul'dam's hands and feet with Air and moved a chair for the girl to sit in.
"I understand, Terrian Sedai." Calia said, her head bowed. She seemed to be genuinely sorry for whatever she had done. Jocelyn was sure she knew what it was. Terrian then went into the next room and Jocelyn had to follow.
"I've brought them, Madeline." Terrian, yes that was the name that Calia had called her, said. "I found them, actually, on their way back to Tar Valon, strange as it must seem. I'm under the impression that Calia was the one who orchestrated this whole thing, seeing as poor Jocelyn here seems barely able to function on her own. She wouldn't let me remove the a'dam so I had to take control of it myself." She indicated the sliver bracelet that encircled her wrist with a seeming disgust. "I may not be a Yellow, but I'd say she's traumatized. I would have taken her directly to the Infirmary, but I thought it best to bring them both here first. Calia is waiting outside, and, well… She's different, let's put it that way. I'd not believe it myself unless I'd seen it with my own eyes." Jocelyn looked up at the golden-haired sul'dam curiously, allowing herself to wonder what was happening right now as she studied the woman. Her green eyes slowly traveled over to the other woman in the room, curiously taking in the sight as someone both new and different and yet recognized and familiar. Strange all the people she thought she remembered here but couldn’t seem to actually remember.
The other woman, the older one whom the golden-haired Terrian had called Madeline, was talking now but Jocelyn wasn’t listening to what she was saying. She was remembering something all too similar to this that had happened in all too similar an office ten years ago. She had to fight to keep the memory from sinking back into the sea of others like it, but it slowly formed in her mind. A different woman was there, but Jocelyn was there with Calia too. The woman had taken off the collar. Jocelyn still wasn't sure she liked that idea; she at least knew what would happen as long as she wore the collar. If it came off she was on her own again, and that was a frightening thought for a woman twice broken. Still, how could she know until it happened? But was she ready for it yet? That was what made a difference, and that was what decided when it was time. For now she was content to listen and wait until she was told to do otherwise.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
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